Tales from the potty

The restaurant was full, but the three-stalled restroom was unoccupied, save for the woman about ten years my senior who had entered just seconds before me. We chose the stalls on opposite sides of the room, leaving the middle stall as a buffer between us.  Standard restroom etiquette.

Just after I had gotten myself situated, I heard a voice, loud and resonant:

“Hi, Ruthie, it’s Mrs. Lasky.  Is your mom or dad home?”

When you hear another person’s voice in a public restroom, the first thought is usually that someone is addressing you personally.  It wasn’t until she finished her question and waited for Ruthie (whoever she was) to fetch the person to whom she wanted to speak that I realized she wasn’t actually talking to me.  A minute later she continued:

“Hi Carol, it’s me.  Yeah, I’m out with Allison and her friends after some Girl Scout thing…”

Why is this lady talking on the phone in a public restroom?  It’s not as if she was standing in line by the sinks, killing time while waiting her turn.  She was actually on the toilet.  And it wasn’t as if she was making some urgent call about work or some personal emergency involving forgetting to turn off the stove.  She was chatting.  Just chewing the fat with a bud.  While sitting on the toilet.  In a public restroom.

After careful thought and the eventual realization that I wasn’t going to overhear the plotting of a mob hit (and the completion of my own personal business), I decided to go on my merry way.  I got myself together and reached around to flush the toilet.  Just then, the woman, who had until that moment completely ignored my presence, turned on me.

Now would probably be a good time to add that, being a restroom, the woman two stalls over who was carrying on an innocuous conversation with an apparent friend was making some noises that belonged in a men’s restroom in a bean eating factory.  I have never before heard so much or such loud gas being passed within such a small timeframe, especially when the person knows of my presence.  So, it’s not as if this woman wanted to conceal the fact that she was in the restroom from her friend.  She wasn’t even trying, and she certainly didn’t apologize.  Surely the person on the other end of the connection had heard the sounds of this woman’s terrifying flatulence long before the flushing of my toilet.  Perhaps that is why I was so surprised at what came next.

“Do you MIND??  I am on the PHONE!!!

She yelled at me.  She actually yelled at me because the sound of a flushing toilet in a public restroom interrupted her phone conversation.  Stunned, I rushed out of the stall and over to the sink, secretly hoping I could get out of there before she could raise her voice at me again.

As I left the restroom, I heard her say, “Sorry about that.  Some people…”


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gary
    Jan 06, 2010 @ 13:11:18

    Bwahahahahaha, oh man that’s funny! I don’t know how you kept your cool to be honest. I would have cracked up laughing when she started farting.

    I KNOW I would have freaked out on her if she would have got mad at me for flushing the toilet. I would have lit a roll of toilet paper on fire and threw it in her stall. LOL


  2. Chad
    Jan 06, 2010 @ 13:23:29

    That’s hilarious. I mean, how dare you flush the toilet in a bathroom of all places. Restaurant bathrooms are only for applying makeup, telephone calls and making up excuses for leaving the restaurant.


  3. that girl
    Jan 06, 2010 @ 16:18:47

    What kind of crazy is that? Yuck. I would be so appalled if I were the person on the other end of the phone. Who talks on the phone while they are on the toilet? Gross. That is not a good friendship.

    You should have flushed twice.


  4. ragingwildflower
    Jan 06, 2010 @ 21:26:30

    This post just made my day. I can only imagine this woman’s personality (let alone life outside of the stall…)


  5. nutmegnanny
    Jan 07, 2010 @ 16:52:56

    Wow what a winner that women is. How dare you flush the toilet in a public restroom. This women obviously has no class.


  6. Jean Has Been Shopping
    Jan 12, 2010 @ 12:17:45

    What a kook! I don’t blame you for rushing out of there. Oh, hi! I followed the link from Gary’s blog. 😀


  7. Sherri
    Jan 12, 2010 @ 19:47:13

    Ohh Emmm Geeee… Gary was definitely right. This post is hilarious and so deserving of his award.

    I had to laugh at Gary’s comments above.

    Seriously, I’ve seen people just like her in various public places while going about their errands chit chatting on the phone for no apparent reason but to be rude and annoy others. They actually think we are the ones for being rude while we are conducting our business in front of their phone conversations.

    Pfffft, the nerve of us! Gary’s right you should have lit a toilet paper roll on fire and threw it in that biatches stall.

    If she was expelling as much poo as her gas was alluding to, don’t worry karma got her! (you’ll have to read my blog to understand that one. Hehe :))


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