My subconscious has a dirty mind

I’ve been struggling all day with whether or not I should publish this post.  If you are reading this now, then the whether has won, and the not has crawled into a corner, tucked itself into a fetal position and sobbed itself to sleep.

Whenever I eat just before I go to bed, I invariably have vivid dreams that I remember for more than a split second after I wake up.

Last night was no exception.  But unlike the strange, otherworldly dreams that sometimes accompany a late-night snack, in which I am a giant, crushing Humvees like they were teeny marshmallows, this dream left me unsettled upon waking.

Why, you ask?  Because it was a sex dream.  A very steamy, X-rated sex dream.

I’ve had sex dreams before, folks.  They are nothing to get in a tizzy about.  I don’t want to give the impression that I only dream about sex.  Far from it. That said, I’m certainly no prude.  The fact is that I’m an adult, and I can handle a little subconscious physical activity in a mature fashion.  Boobies.

The issue here is that are two major differences between my usual sex dreams and that which played in my head last night.  First of all, the dreams usually involve a complete stranger.  It’s one of those cases where you know the person in the dream, but you would have no clue who the person is in real life.  Secondly, my usual sex dreams tend to resemble an old Hitchcock film, where the most the viewer ever sees is some passionate smooching, and then the camera cuts to a train driving into a tunnel.  They are very PG-friendly; PG-13 at the most.

But this dream I had last night did not fit the standard of my previous sex dreams.  It was very graphic, so much so that I’m blushing just thinking about it.  I had no idea my mind could dream up such…well, let’s just say, “acrobatics.”  I don’t know why my subconscious censors didn’t strike anything as too risqué for public viewing.  They must have had a good time watching.  Don’t get me wrong: I wasn’t exactly having a bad time in my dream.  I just caught myself off guard.

But more unsettling was that the dream was about a guy I actually know.  I would call us something slightly more than acquaintances.  We have a few mutual friends, so I see him every once in a rare while, but certainly not on a regular basis.  He’s a good-looking guy, very popular and charismatic, but I’ve never found myself physically attracted to him.  I haven’t even thought about him for weeks.  So why did my subconscious make him of all people the leading man?

The problem with having a sex dream about someone you know is that the next time you see that person you can’t help but look at that person differently.  The same will be true the next time I see this guy.  Despite my best attempts to stay in the moment, my mind will inevitably drift back to the fuzzy memory of that dream.  I will remember what he looks like naked, although in reality I have never seen him in anything more revealing than a t-shirt.  Although in reality I would never give him the opportunity to do so, I will find myself wondering if he could actually manage the near-gravity-defying contortions.  I will have ready a believable explanation as to why I cannot look him in the eye, should he ask.

I can’t help but wonder if the bowl of Tostitos I had before I went to sleep had an effect on my REM state.  I think I’m going to conduct an official experiment, beginning tonight.  I want to find out if the food I eat immediately before going to sleep has any bearing on the type of dreams I have.  For example, it is possible that a cup of chocolate pudding will create megalomaniacal dreams.  Conversely, tortilla chips might create sex dreams.  Who knows?  But I intend to find out if there is any correlation, or if my brain is just marching to its own, strange little drummer.

Do you remember your dreams?  What is the strangest dream you’ve had?


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. In10Words aka "Galileo"
    Mar 02, 2009 @ 01:41:48

    I’ve had…those kind of dreams before, but not with many people. True life speaking, whenever you see in movies & tv shows about 2 friends finally hook up, they rarely show what happens in the event that it doesn’t work out.

    Awk. Ward. A year after I got broken up, it’s still incredibly awkward to see her the same way again.

    On the topic of weirdest dream: I’m working on an ice cream truck that sold Italian Ices. Bill Clinton always wanted the blue ones. And not just walk up and buy them, he tried to take them like the Trix rabbit. Also, it wasn’t the real Bill Clinton, it was Darrell Hammond from SNL playing Bill Clinton.


  2. jonsquared
    Mar 02, 2009 @ 02:01:23

    i’ve had very vivid sex dreams before as well, and for years, i couldn’t look at my dog the same way.


  3. maleesha
    Mar 02, 2009 @ 07:06:23

    you just cant help what you dream.

    recently I dreamt the entire next two seasons of Lost…twice in a row. It was weird. I dont remember much about it except that I had the same dream twice.


  4. Joy
    Mar 02, 2009 @ 12:25:02

    I don’t think we have any control of our dreams. I love good dreams. Sex or not. I know what you mean about thinking about that person in a different light after a dream like that. It’s almost like they know….weird. I’ve had good dreams before and woke up and really wished and tried HARD to go back to it but it hardly ever happens that way.


  5. natalie
    Mar 02, 2009 @ 14:11:03

    as soon as the snow clears out, i’m running to the store for some tostitos, that’s all i can say.

    my dreams typically revolve around chasing errant students into classroms. husband has told me more than once that i yell at students in my dreams.

    they don’t leave me ALONE. ever.


  6. Amy Hunter
    Mar 02, 2009 @ 20:19:22

    Just don’t tell him you had the dream or it will *really* be awkward.

    I remember a lot of dreams. My favorite was one where I turned into a peregrine falcon and flew around. The weirdest? Hmmm…lots of my dreams are weird, but the one that came to mind first is one in which I was standing in my childhood home and the world started melting.


  7. Gary
    Mar 04, 2009 @ 22:50:42

    I wish I could have dreams like that Megan. I kinda feel cheated. 😦


    Mar 11, 2009 @ 13:26:01



  9. Megan
    Mar 12, 2009 @ 12:20:37

    I’ve definitely had a vaguely inappropriate (or incredibly inappropriate!) dream about someone I didn’t really know… in this case, a younger male coworker at my old bookstore job! He was a really nice kid — a solid three or four years younger than me, barely out of high school… LOL. I’d only talked to him a few times and thought he was cute — in a little brother kind of way? — but then, there he was in all his glory, taking the starring role in my nocturnal musings!

    Okay, I’m feeling pervy just typing this! But since you shared your subconscious activity, that’s my confession! The next time I saw him I could feel my whole face flushing, but after working with him a few more times, I was able to block the steamy love scenes from my brain for a while! But now I’m remembering… haha


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