Many manly mustachioed man

My father donned a mustache from the days before my birth until sometime around my tenth year. I had spent about six weeks at my grandparents’ home that summer, and my father arrived a day early to spend some time with the family before the long drive home. Imagine my shock when I was confronted for the first time with his naked upper lip, gleaming above a ridiculously large grin.

Although my earliest male role model sported a ‘stache with pride, I just plain don’t like them. I’ve never understood the need to shave off all of one’s facial hair except for a patch above the lip. It’s equivalent to my shaving my legs but leaving my kneecaps nice and hairy; yes, it proves that I have a nimble razor technique, but the result looks pretty silly. Anyway, mustaches creep me out; they remind me of sleazy porn and pedophilia.

Imagine my horror when Mike and the rest of the boys at Protozoic decided to grow mustaches for Protocon 3.0. Well, all of them except one. (He claims he didn’t know about it, but I think he’s just smart.)

Fortunately, thanks to a regularly grown beard, I only had to endure the mustache for two and a half days. But those two and a half days were the longest and the most disturbing I can remember. I felt sleazy walking next to Mike in Target, guilty when we had lunch with my mother on the way down, and a little gross looking at the photos in which they looked like gay porn stars from the 70s.

It’s not that mustaches look bad on all men.  Some men wear them quite nicely, and look rather silly with bare upper lips: Alex Trebek, Vincent Price and Tom Selleck, to name a few.  My point, though, is that my boyfriend and his buddies, cute and handsome as they are, are not Alex Trebek, Vincent Price or Tom Selleck.

One good thing did come of this: I think they did realize how ridiculous they looked, and I heard each one of them vow never to don a mustache again. Let’s hope that the threat of withheld kisses on the lips from their girlfriends is incentive enough for them to stay true to their promise.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mike
    Aug 18, 2008 @ 22:28:17

    Those dudes look tough.

    Reply

  2. Paul P.
    Aug 19, 2008 @ 17:33:41

    I think you should start a caption that picture contest.

    Reply

  3. megan
    Aug 19, 2008 @ 20:48:34

    What a great idea, Paul! I have tons of photos that would swim well in that pool. I’ll get right on it!

    Reply

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