I suppose Classical music is sexy…

When cataloging a book or music score that is new to the library, I try to find out as much information about the item as possible in addition to the obvious title and author: date of publication, publisher’s number, plate number, ISBN, UPC, etc. With this information, one can be sure that the item we have is indeed the item for which she is searching.

My search for an ISBN to attach to a new score by Dennis Alexander brought me to Amazon.com. I typed “Dennis Alexander” in the search field, and pressed “enter.” Naturally, I wanted to refine my search, so I looked to the sidebar on the left, which provided categories from which I could choose.

“Hmm,” I thought. “Classical Music is probably my best bet, since it is a piano score I’m working with.”

With this logic in mind, I clicked “Classical Music,” narrowing my choices down to 13 from 269. Excitement mounted as I waited for the page to load. Finally, I could get this stupid ISBN and move on with my life!

As the page loaded, I was shocked to see the first result on the page: Making out to Mozart.

Well, the names “Dennis” and “Alexander” were included in the names of the brilliant minds that created this masterpiece, but it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for.

Of course, Amazon.com tries to be as helpful as possible, so a bit further down the page, I see the “Better Together” section, where they combine the item you are currently looking at with a similar item. Amazon.com recommends Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven. Also recommended in the “You may also like” section of the sidebar is Shacking up to Chopin.

These recordings confuse me for two reasons. First of all, each of these recordings are stamped with a parental advisory for explicit lyrics. I am totally befuddled at this, because, with the exception of the aforementioned Ode to Joy, and some of the operas on Mr. Mozart’s CDs, there are no lyrics at all; they are purely instrumental works. Has someone recorded a voice over the music? Is there some kind of subliminal messaging happening here? Have the lyrics to Mozart’s operas been changed to include smut? Of course, Amazon.com has only provided a track listing, and not a selection of musical samples, so I can’t be sure without purchasing the CD (something that I have absolutely no intention of doing).

Sscondly, after looking at the track listing, and recognizing most, if not all, of the pieces, I have to laugh. Personally, I would find it difficult to “get in the mood” with Chopin’s Revolutionary Etude in the background, or the final movement of Beethoven’s ninth symphony; I think I may be a bit distracted with a 200-voice chorus blaring Ode to Joy in my ear.

Freude, schöner Götterfunken, Tochter aus Elysium,
wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!

Oh yeah. That’s sexy.


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